I may have come on too strong in a blog post from Dec. 30.

Of course I realize that many people have gone above and beyond in the midst of the COVID-19 scourge. They have worked themselves to the bone, daily risked exposure of themselves and their families in order to tend to those who were/are suffering from infection.

I feel the same way about others in various lines of work, not just healthcare workers. They’re not where I was directing my cynicism. It was more a general reaction to what is probably inevitable the longer something like this drags on—the saturation of media coverage, the repeated refrains of frustration and anger, the cries for help that grow so familiar that they lose their impact and start to sound more like whining.

Sure, we may really need a hug, we may really want to see folks in person, but this is a bona fide pandemic. This isn’t normal. This demands painful, sacrificial changes in behavior that, in America’s case, were downplayed, dismissed, and critcized as un-American by people at the highest levels of government. If by some miracle we could have all been on the same page from early on and practiced the basic precautions, we’d be in a much better place by now.

Instead, in addition to the maddening stubbornness and hubris that apparently are accepted as American character traits, many millions believed the Chief Executive and Fox News and others who said the virus was a hoax! That we could just go about our regular business. Thankfully, many were skeptical of such advice. Nonetheless, it was a grossly negligent policy decision that has paved the way for the misery we’ve experienced ever since early last year.

So we continue to limp along, enduring mind-numbing case numbers, becoming desensitized to death and loss that cannot possibly be comprehended. The vaccines will eventually stem the tide, hopefully, but distribution is revealing yet another facet of the current administration’s neglect and ineptitude.

People in the know– not Trump and the rest– have been warning us since the early days of all this that things would get as bad as they currently are. Yet our leaders in Washington decided to look the other way.

It is a decision, a choice, that should haunt them for the rest of their lives.

I know the Inauguration ceremonies are going to be scaled back because of Covid-19, but will further consideration be given to moving them somewhere other than the west front of the Capitol building, given the rumblings of a return of Trump supporters to pick up where they left off, or worse?

This would be disappointing, given the kind of message it would send to Trump loyalists. I’m sure an act of defiance is preferable to signaling that these domestic terrorists have somehow won. It’s just that we know these lunatics are aching for the next battle, and they’ll be bringing their loaded assault weapons at some point. I guess we need to trust that law enforcement will be appropriately prepared.

Despite everything, it is still difficult for me to imagine that these people have enough hate and anger in their hearts to contemplate and carry out violence and sedition against the country they supposedly love. Hard for me to believe that they are secure enough in their beliefs—as twisted as they are—to act on them in a way that will lead to mayhem and bloodshed.

They are not well. And of course neither is Trump, who sits in the comfort of the Oval Office plotting his next moves. He has to go, as soon as possible. He has to somehow pay a price for all of this. It is way past time for the cows to come home, the chickens to roost, and whatever else. Why is Congress waiting until Monday to begin impeachment proceedings?

Consequences, man. Consequences. Time to pay the piper.

Is this really about disenfranchisement, feeling left behind and unheard? The last gasp of angry white people who feel their grip on undeserved privilege slipping away?

Is it a sickness born of prolonged exposure to poisonous words and twisted ideologies? Is all of this connected, one thing leading to another? Do these people have legitimate excuses for their behavior and world views? Do they need to be listened to, or squashed like bugs, once and for all?

How do people grow so hateful and angry, so vulnerable to having their hearts ripped out and their minds closed? Some—perhaps many– who stormed the Capitol the other day looked like lost boys and girls who emerged from shadows, crawled out from under rocks, crazed and impressionable. Energized by hate and the opportunity to engage in mayhem. They came with ladders, sledgehammers, tear gas, goggles, helmets, their own riot gear! And they were practically escorted into the building. It didn’t look like righteous anger as much as it did an excuse to break things. Helluva way to treat a place they consider “the peoples’ house.”

Was it blatant insurrection, or more a mindless mob jumping on a big bandwagon with a chance to write a chapter of their own story and have something to talk about over a few beers?

For all the heartfelt, eloquent pleas and thoughtful, measured tones, we must realize that none of our attempts at being rational are going to touch Donald Trump or those who are still in his camp. We can try to explain ourselves, voice our disapproval, even get mad as hell, but none of it is going to sway or deter or open the eyes of those who lose their shit over myths, convinced that pigs can fly and Democrats are leftist libtards and communists who hate America.

Imagine if this had been a BLM march on the Capitol. There would have been a Ramboesque body count in the halls of Congress, if they had made it that far.

How do you reason with the likes of Donald Trump? Is it possible? He’s gone off the deep end, or will shortly. He’s got evil in his heart, he’s got trigger-happy neo-Nazis eating out of his hand, waiting for marching orders.

We are not in a good place, and I think leaders in D.C. know this. Invoking the 25^th or impeachment will most likely mean violent reprisals all over the country. In the middle of a pandemic! But this is the price we pay—once again—for trying to hold onto the shining city on a hill.

I think I understand much better now how precious and fragile this attempt at democracy is. It doesn’t run on autopilot. It requires buy-in, commitment from its citizens to invest and trust in what amounts to intangibles—laws, restraint, respect. It demands vigilance and it can get costly. I just never expected the cost to be exacted in our back yards. Again.

It seems the Civil War is like the coal fire in Centralia- often out of sight, but still burning. And all this against the backdrop of a pandemic that has taken 4000 lives in one day for the first time.

Donald Trump and those who still defend him are the scum of the earth. The green film that covers stagnant water.

How on earth was it so easy for Trump supporters to gain access to the Capitol building and the Senate floor, among other places? It’s difficult to look at this and comprehend that it actually happened. Why were the reinforcements not already there?

And can there be any doubt about what kind of person Donald Trump truly is? He encouraged this. He egged them on, told the crowd that he’d be with them as they marched down Pennsylvania Avenue to the Capitol. Then of course he went home.

There’s a split coming in the Republican ranks. There will be the Crazies and Opportunists, and Those Who Still Have A Head On Their Shoulders And A Heart Beating In Their Chests. We might have a third party at long last, though it may not be anything to write home about.

All this insanity happened on Mitch McConnell’s watch. Though the roots of this unrest began growing centuries ago, McConnell ratcheted up the bad blood 12 years ago, when he proclaimed that Job One for Republicans was to make sure Barack Obama was a one-term President. Who, in his position, would say such a thing? To whom did he think he was appealing? Who did he think was listening when he made such a stunningly polarizing statement?

We all saw this coming. None of it has come out of left field. The writing has been on the wall since way before 2015, when Donald Trump descended that confounded escalator and really started feeding the beast, tearing America apart with his inflammatory, deprived rhetoric.

If they can arrest him, they should take Stephen Miller along, too. The dead-in-the-eyes sub-human, Trump’s muse.

January 6, 2021 was an Epiphany of a different sort.

A big day in Congress today. A substantial number of Republicans are going to object to Biden’s victory. And Trump supporters are ready to make one last stand in the streets of our nation’s capitol.

They’d likely have zero interest in election integrity or performing these stunts if Trump had won.

What are Ted Cruz and the rest trying to do? What’s their motive, their strategy, their end game? Still kissing the Base’s ass, I guess.

Donald Trump lost the election by 7 million votes. He lost the Electoral College by 74 votes. How is it possible that he has any influence whatsoever over the Republican Party? I mean apart from his mystifyingly loyal base?

He’s not a Republican, he’s not a Democrat. He’s merely an opportunist, in love with the power and limelight. He doesn’t give a damn about America. Surely many must know this, especially after the year we just limped through. Yet even after January 20, the Trump shit show will continue in some form.

Have we ever seen anything like this in the history of our nation? Such childishness, pettiness, immaturity. Trump’s not a winner. He just never learned how to lose. We may not want to make a habit of it, but everyone needs to learn how to lose, or at least learn how to move on from a loss. You can’t win ‘em all, man. It’s about time you learned that lesson.

If all you want out of life is to say you never lost, then you are among the most selfish, deluded people in the history of people. If it matters to you how you’re remembered, well, it’s way past time you shut up and walk away. For the good of everyone.

But you won’t do that. The part of you that knows to leave well enough alone is ill-formed. Or it was never there to begin with.

Psst! Donald… your base doesn’t really love you. You just happened to be the one who fed their insecurities, gave them permission to hold onto their ignorance and hate. That’s all.

Quite the legacy. Worthy of the vision you’ve never had.

Some amount of catharsis should be in order, but most of us know that nothing changed at the stroke of midnight. And to heap blame on what many consider an arbitrary number is pretty silly.

Still, there was something nice about seeing the ball drop and watching a new number light up. 2020 is over. The promise of something new and better at least exists in our imaginations for a time now. Trump is still President, but only for 19 more days. Mitch McConnell still mumbles edicts, but his reign will end eventually. And because we as a nation seem not to be able to muster the organizational and coping skills, the will required of us, Covid-19 will continue to be a scourge probably well into this new year. But at least 2020 is over, even as we continue to treat it as a scapegoat for a while.

Biden and Harris have their work cut out for them. It’s time to make something hopeful of the year just begun.

I can see it now: people congratulating each other, patting themselves on the back for weathering the storm that was Covid-19. Commiserating, dramatizing, making way more of the struggles and hardships than warranted. Noting how so many “rose above,” gave 110 percent, shined a little light in the midst of all the darkness.

It’s already happening on the nightly news and elsewhere- people featured for doing inane things that are held up as important and life-changing. It’s understandable, but no less saccharin or tough to watch. Even some of the pleas from healthcare workers who take quick selfie videos and cry into the camera. I’m tired of those, too, because they often sound more like whining than the visible face of anguish and frustration trying to convey the gravity. It’s the same theme every time. Starts to feel like people just jumping on a bandwagon.

I’m not getting at the essence of what bothers me about this. There’s something about it that’s missing the mark. It feels contrived, and not necessarily newsworthy or impactful anymore. Maybe it’s that people need to be noticed doing something- anything- good. We do good things so we feel better. It’s not about a calling, or an obligation or the act of helping, in and of itself. It’s more that we get to feel better about ourselves, and we get our 15 minutes.

High self-esteem is a good thing, but at some point we cross a line from that into something that looks more like bravado and hubris, and neediness. Lately, it feels like air time being filled, and not much more. Maybe it’s my own lability of affect, a certain desensitization setting in.

And since I’m digging myself a hole, please tell me why people are so quick to incorporate the phrase “war zone” into their description of things that aren’t war zones at all. Have they actually been in a war zone themselves? What are they comparing it to? Maybe it boils down to insufficient processing and hardly ever having the right words at our disposal. Settling for hyperbole. More a matter of a limited vocabulary than anything else.

One can understand the fascination with religious faith, Christianity in particular.

Think about the ramifications, the implications of the offspring of the Creator of the Universe making an appearance, for a short time, on earth. It’s mind-blowing, really.

I so want to believe it is true, but it’s not easy to keep the faith. The journey from belief to cynicism, from faith to doubt, is not necessarily a long one.

The closer I get to calling it a day in this line of work, the less patience I have for people and God. Many people don’t try hard enough, and God seems, more often than not, to be a construct, a crutch, a fabrication born of fear and unknowing. I realize I’m not the first person to think or say these things, but apparently it’s my turn at the moment.

“I believe. Help my unbelief.”