Replacement Theory. To label it a theory is a disservice to the word theory. Mr. Gendron had to be buying into the whole white supremacy “dream” of fomenting a race war.

I’m not going to try to summon words worthy of the disgust and anger I feel. It’s a futile pursuit. I guess my anger manifests itself in what I wish would happen to this piece of shit human being who most likely is feeling like he’s done something great, something heroic and worthy of admiration. It must have taken every ounce of restraint among arresting officers to not mete out immediate justice or lay a hand on him for fear of providing a reason for mistrial or countersuits or getting off on a technicality.

Did he have the dead eyes like the rest? They seem to pride themselves on who can have the emptiest, most haunting stare. And it turns out he wanted to keep going to another store, if he hadn’t been stopped—in order to maximize the fear, so that Black people wouldn’t feel safe anywhere they went.

This disease goes back a long way in this country, and it has not been eradicated. It keeps popping up. It’s so blatantly paranoid and hateful, a conspiracy theory that gains traction among a certain subset of impressionable white people who believe that all human beings aren’t all human. This is such a maddeningly ignorant and dumb way of looking at the world. And it appears to be making its latest comeback.

Perhaps most disheartening of all is the Republican buy-in. Not all, but enough of them. Who in their right mind would believe that this has anything to do with American greatness?

There are many people who have opinions about the Trump presidency and the events of January 6, 2021. They’re all trying to cash in with book deals.

I’ve never seen anything like it. Opportunists all, though maybe some have more to say than others. Seems like a lot of gettin’ while the gettin’ is good. Or do these times require that people with something to say, find the means to say it?

What can you do, after the fact? Nothing, really, except cry, if only on the inside, for a society that has unraveled a bit more because the next troglodyte has emerged from his cave, the next in a continuing series of ghastly acts has unfolded, the latest reminder that America has a storehouse of people who will always be easily manipulated and pliable, and sick in the head.

Ten people killed at a supermarket in Buffalo, NY yesterday afternoon. Racially motivated killing, white on black, supposedly “inspired” by online hate speech, and streamed live on Twitch. Tactical gear and a helmet cam, armed to the teeth.

This is what MAGA looks like, everyone. This is a subsidiary of the MAGA brand, for all to see.

The thing about people like Donald Trump is that they have little or no capacity—or time or stomach—for evaluating their own actions—making the effort to review and critique, admitting to making the occasional mistake and learning from it. In Trump’s case, there is no way for such a thing to happen, because he, unlike human beings, doesn’t make mistakes. Everything is always someone else’s fault.

I get that an uninformed and impatient public, or a relentless press corps full of people yearning to distinguish themselves can get on a President’s or a Press Secretary’s nerves after a while. I also get that it’s not necessarily easy to handle critique of one’s behavior or actions or decisions, but a person in his position necessarily has to have this quality. And Trump in particular continues to provide a lot of ammunition for his detractors.

Bottom line is that people like Donald Trump should be coming nowhere near public office and dwelling anywhere near the seat of power. He didn’t, he doesn’t, and he never will have the tools for the job.

And yet,  

What’s frustrating is the lack of acknowledgement among the Tucker Carlson crowd that there is anything wrong with Donald Trump and Republican talking points.

Democrats are warning of the imminent fall of democracy or whatever this system of governance is rightly called, while most Republicans and Carlson and Fox News and the Breitbart universe are calling foul on Democrats. It’s all the Dems’ fault, those weak-kneed, liberal, baby-eating alarmists.

Better to wear Jesus on your sleeve and cast a wary eye on immigrants and support a ban on abortion and get behind the 2^nd Amendment and blow things up and act tough with a gun in your hand than admit that your platform is hopeless and dated and tone deaf and commandeered by people who are completely out of touch with reality, by people who claim they feel their constituents’ pain but really couldn’t care less about anyone but themselves. Their “vision” is not shared by a majority of Americans. Republicans wield fear as a weapon, even as, ironically, they themselves are terrified of change.

It all seems so entrenched and unsalvageable. Like we’re heading toward a place we shouldn’t want to go. Maybe this is what happens when a large enough number of people refuse to believe in evolution.

Nations can evolve, too. If you can summon the courage to let them.

Has it always been that people have needed compliments and congrats on a job well done—needed to be shown appreciation—or is this an Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences thing? Maybe just part of the overall attitude among the younger generations who can’t go too long without being told how wonderful they are? Is this the fruit born of being the kids who all got trophies, whose parents thought their children could do no wrong?

I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m annoyed by this, for some reason. The vibe is whiny and self-involved and spoiled rotten.

Has there ever really been a time when people chose certain career paths and took on certain jobs simply because it’s what they wanted to do, they loved the work, regardless of how much they got noticed? Well, apart from an occasional “thank you”?

Admittedly, it was nice to get feedback on occasion, though the positive stuff was always more welcome than the critique. But I wasn’t one to complain about going unnoticed or unappreciated. I don’t think I needed constant reinforcement or attaboys. I just tried—usually not very effectively—to do my job.

Ah, who am I kidding? It felt good when people handed me a compliment, and it felt shitty when someone offered critique, even if I said I appreciated the honesty. Am I being honest here, or am I engaging in selective remembering?

Anyway, it just doesn’t sit right when you hear people whine about not getting noticed enough, being underappreciated. Did you get into a line of work just for the kudos and the money, or because it lit a fire in you? Simply because you thought you could make a difference and you felt called to the task at hand, understanding that the greatest reward is simply doing the work and doing it well.

What kind of darkness does a person have to embrace in order to stay in power for decades? What are the motivations for wanting to stay in power for so long? And why would anyone want to do that on purpose? Seems to me it can only be for selfish, deluded reasons, pure power play. One might think that the citizenry wouldn’t let it happen, but it happens all the time. The citizens are rendered impotent, and those who make noise are most times silenced or marginalized.

There’s no more glaring case than V. Putin. Imagine the control he’s had to exert, the attention paid to quieting dissent, and the methods employed for tending to such.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world, while annoyed and appalled by his ruthlessness and sense of impunity, basically does nothing to stop him. An appeal to reason is futile and laughable, but there has to be a way to stop him, short of WWIII and/or resorting to nukes.

The whole concept of military parades seems like bad theater to me, somehow pathetic. What is the purpose of such pageantry? I can imagine it has something to do with intimidation and… reassurance? What is it if not an attempt to show off, to threaten, and remind citizens and the rest of any of the world that might be watching that a country is not to be messed with?

What I see is paranoia and government officials wanting to show off, deciding to invest billions, maybe even trillions of dollars in weaponry and armor that could have been spent on infrastructure and hospitals and education and beneficial advancements of all kinds.

Russia and North Korea aren’t the only ones. We’re pretty good at this, too, except we don’t go goosestepping and parading the hardware like rutting baboons and strutting peacocks. Many nations do this to one degree or another and it is absolutely, morally unconscionable, when one thinks about the amount of money that has been spent on military R&D. All because we don’t trust each other, because humans are animals with an instinct for chest pounding and survival.

Instead of solving problems that affect us all, we waste astronomical sums on what ifs and worst case scenarios, on stockpiles of armaments and aircraft and ICBMs and other terrifying weaponry that gives people boners and bragging rights and has military contractors and oligarchs and dictators and certain congressional districts laughing all the way to the bank.

Turns out maybe there’s been a reason for the dour, dark sunglasses look Phil Mickelson has been sporting in recent tournaments. He’s being investigated for insider trading and shouldering a mountain of gambling debt, $40 million in one recent 4-year stretch. Jeez, Phil.

That’s liable to weigh a person down.  

Finally watched Hamilton last night. I would think it has to be the Everest of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s achievements, though he’s probably long moved on to some “next things.”

I have few words, though he found plenty of them, along with the music! And it all weaves quite a tale. Amazing performances, incredible and inspirational story, based on actual events. Another catalyst for my own life review, and as usual I am found wanting, on a couple levels.

First, in terms of Miranda’s giftedness and creative genius. Second, in terms of once again being reminded of the insignificance of my own contributions to the world, and just how historically consequential certain peoples’ lives have been in birthing this nation. How can something like this not give one pause to think about then and now?

The juxtaposition is jarring: genuinely passionate, flawed, and courageous people who poured their heart and soul and intellect and flesh and blood into bringing this nation into being, set beside the current clown car full of pretenders and coattail riders, people lacking real courage and substance and any appreciation for where we’ve been or how we got here.

People so cowardly and shallow that it boggles the mind and stirs up feelings of vehemence and disgust and a wishing for their immediate fade into the woodwork. Yes, Donald and Ronald and Marjorie and Lauren and Greg and Mitch and Josh and Madison and Stephen and… this means you.

Thanks, though, for reminding us of how far we can fall, how low we can go. And how close we’ve often come to ruin. Lives of consequence can head in different directions and reap different, more bitter fruit.