Fear

The other night, I sat on the couch in the living room as a thunderstorm barreled through town. One crack of lightning was so close that the almost instantaneous, explosive rumble seemed to ripple the floor under my feet. I can’t remember ever feeling that particular sensation before.

Anyway, thunderstorms fascinate me, though this hasn’t always been the case. They used to cause a loss of appetite and a desire to hide under something. I guess some fears go away and we replace them with others.

One of the current batch manifests itself in recurring dreams where, for example, I walk into a packed church totally unprepared for whatever occasion is about to unfold. I can tell that people are waiting for me, but I have nothing ready- improper dress, no sermon, no idea what should come next. I wake up feeling a sense of relief.

Maybe these dreams have prevented me from ever not showing up for a wedding or funeral… though I have totally missed a few committee meetings along the way.