We are the only species that quantifies effort, needs it to lead somewhere– to accomplishment, accolades, self-satisfaction.

As I sat on the porch in a state of stillness and peace I rarely experience, it dawned on me that, apart from certain domesticated species, most of the animal kingdom, while spending its days focused on propagation and survival, doesn’t waste a second wondering if someone is noticing their efforts, or evaluating their performance. They just do what they do—scurry about and flit and fly. Raise their young, store up for the winter.

They don’t live up or down to expectations, they don’t get caught up in comparisons, they don’t feel sorry for themselves. I don’t know if everything they do is purposeful, but it’s easy to get the impression that there is little wasted effort.

Do they feel joy, sense freedom, or, in the case of birds, sense the envy of us earthbound beings who dream of flying? Probably not. “How can they be satisfied with their existence?” we might think. “They do the same thing every day.”

Ah, boredom. I guess it’s not suprising that the species with the most highly developed brain is the one that has the most trouble finding value in the luxury of being still.

Sat on the porch yesterday afternoon, enjoying the early April warmth and relative stillness. The annoying wind is gone, for now, and yesterday was simply a delightful, sunny day.

It was one of those rare moments when I felt no urge to move. I just sat in a chair, watching and listening. Finches, grackles, mourning doves, robins, sparrows, squirrels and bees all doing their thing. Bird songs and purposeful avian activity all around. There was so much going on.

And of course there was the din of distant traffic, the inevitable reminders of human encroachment and auditory assault, thanks to some no-mind on a motorcycle who apparently equates ear drum damage with virility and coolness.

It seems Derek Chauvin and even the city of Minneapolis are in a no-win situation. It feels like there can be only one verdict that will keep another riot from happening.

Chauvin’s defense team has a thankless job. On the one hand, there are the 9 or so minutes of knee-on-neck. On the other, there is the media saturation and televised courtroom drama, and the feeling that this is cancel culture on steroids, like Chauvin is guilty whether or not the case is more complicated than what meets the eye.

It may be the long road to getting rid of a bad cop, but it also comes with that lingering feeling of public opinion and bandwagon mentality wielding outsized power and influence. What normally happens behind closed doors and communicated mainly with the help of courtroom sketches needs to be carried live for all to see.

The decision to televise the proceedings is an indication of the stakes here, but also the climate of suspicion and distrust that exists.

Marco Rubio, Stephen Miller and their ilk are still at it. Still yakking, still making headlines, for all the wrong reasons.

Stop listening to these Darth Vader wannabes, America. They have nothing to offer us.

As much as I respect Dr. Fauci, I feel like he is a master of misdirection and covering his own ass. All the questions along the way about his time standing at the dais behind Trump, never really acknowledging that he could have intervened more forcefully than he did.

What was the line he was so concerned about not crossing? Why was it so critical that he rarely appear to overtly disagree with the Asswipe-in-Chief? How could he have become so marginalized? Couldn’t he have just gone to the media any old time he wanted and sounded the alarm in a forceful, convincing manner worthy of his stature?

Why couldn’t he ever just bust out and say, for everyone to hear, that practically every Republican talking point regarding COVID-19 was dangerously misguided and nothing more than strategically concocted bullshit?

I was always hoping that he would lower the boom and say what many of us were thinking. But on closer inspection, maybe he was doing those exact things in a way that made sense to him as a rational scientist, and not as just another calculating politician shooting from the hip.

I guess what mystifies me more than anything is why Trump was so feared, why people tiptoed around him, since he exemplified buffoonery with such regularity. How could anyone take him seriously?

This went on for so long.  

There is always dissonance. Differing messages being screamed at the same time, in each ear. Vaccinations happening to the tune of 3 million a day, and at the same time another surge seems increasingly inevitable. And the local newspaper offers up the same conflicting information, with a headline that says one thing and info in the article that says something else.

The pleas from CDC and government officials fall on deaf ears in many states, people throw their masks away, revel in the streets in alcohol-fueled dumbness, thumb their noses at common sense advice.

Debra Birx finally throws Trump under the bus, though maybe she should join him.

I’m tired of convoluted, empty language and questions answered without answering the questions. I know it’s the dance that reporters and government officials often engage in, but it’s insanely frustrating and a waste of everyone’s time. Even when someone says they’re being straight with us, chances are they’re not being totally straight with us. It’s difficult to shake the cynicism.

It doesn’t matter how passionate people are, how knowledgeable they are, how right they may be, how critical the information they’re trying to share. Others will dismiss their pleas, seemingly unmoved by them, as if no one has spoken.

Tuned out to reason, tuned in to lunacy.

The perception of him in many circles may be that of Grim Reaper or Michael Downer, but Dr. Osterholm has been right all along.

There has never been the will to prove him wrong. What he’s predicted has come to pass, every time. We have a seer and sage in our midst but not enough people have ever taken him seriously, or have plain dismissed him as some sort of quack, just an outspoken dispenser of bad news. We apparently prefer our info more nuanced and sugar coated, while Osterholm has always given us the unvarnished truth.

It was refreshing to watch Ms. Walensky “go off script” the other day, even though it appeared she was still reading something. In any event, we can’t have it both ways—complaining about our public officials hiding the truth from us, while taking offense when someone dares tell it like it is.

It’s a wonder people still aspire to public service.

In what universe does a business model that plainly states service will get slower, jobs will be cut, and costs to consumers will rise have a chance of surviving? How is Louis DeJoy able to lay out such a plan and not get laughed out of whatever room he is in, never mind continue in his job?

If it couldn’t raise stamp prices, how would the USPS be able to stay in business when it loses billions of dollars annually? Is the plan to neuter the postal service and render it inconsequential in time for the next election still a thing? Right under our noses?

I often only have questions.

What’s happening in Georgia and other states is creating fertile ground for civil war, or at least passionate unrest in some form.

The Republican Party seems intent on showing everyone that they’ve got nothing to offer, that their only recourse is to ramrod legislation making it exceedingly difficult in any future election for people of color and young people to vote. This is their game plan.

They’ve got nothing the majority of people want, they’re still brainlessly buying the Trump lie about a stolen election, so they are methodically and brazenly laying the groundwork that they hope will enable them to win elections and stay in power and push their archaic, narrow-minded, whites only agenda. You’d think even Republicans would look at this and say, “count me out.”

People who lose their voice will find other ways to be heard.

The words are elusive anymore. Always searching for the right combination of descriptive phrases, trying to capture emotions that properly convey the anger and exasperation and futility of watching our elected leaders scurry about and skirt the issue and hide behind the long tired Second Amendment excuse. They have to know that no one is coming for their guns.

Well, except to stanch the flow of assault weapons, which no civilian really needs and which often end up being the weapon of choice among those who decide they need to act on pent-up urges and misplaced rage by killing as many unarmed and unsuspecting people as possible. And, of course, if you are convinced that Big Government is always plotting some sort of crackdown, and insurrection is just around the corner, well, an AR-15 is a good friend to have in the face of such heinous over-stepping, whether or not such a threat is even real. There’s room for two or three of those in the gun safe, in any event.

As long as there exists buy-in of this narrative of paranoia and mistrust, the arsenals will continue to expand. We’re the most heavily armed civilian population on earth, which is not so much about bragging rights as it is just plain pathetic and sad, and alarming. A recipe for mayhem. A recipe for exactly what we’re currently witnessing and have endured for years.

We seem not to be able to rise above our insecurities, and hubris. We can’t get out of our own way, more often indulging our worse angels. Always on guard, looking for signs, expecting the worst, living atop a powder keg.