So is it simply a matter of who we choose to listen to? I could choose to listen to Neil DeGrasse Tyson and others who make sound, rational arguments for believing in what we can see and measure and discover about life and the cosmos.

Or I can choose to listen to my heart that yearns for daily miracles and the existence of a Savior who walked the earth 2000 years ago and promises to come again—someday, I guess.

So, logic and reason and facts versus murky, tenuous history bordering on fairy tale and a constant need to surrender reason and trust to someone who may or may not have ever existed in the capacity the old story tells us he did.

With each passing day, it becomes easier to trust the former.

Kevin McCarthy doesn’t look mad or frustrated, or worried. He’s smiling and laughing, he at least projects the look of someone who’s still confident, sensing a certain inevitability. This after six rounds of voting without a final result. He’s not giving up on his dream, though, the country be damned.

The question becomes, What is he going to have to promise to the holdouts? What concessions is he going to have to make in order to get him to 218? The Republican caucus is chomping at the bit to push its archaic, tired agenda, to be in power again, and we should be very concerned about that. They show us every day that they have nothing to offer but rank incompetence and the tired old deregulation and lower taxes (for whom?) schtick.

But the scariest thing is what McCarthy is going to have to promise the 19 far-right nut bags who are making life difficult for him at the moment. What procedural compromises are coming, what job description and functional changes are coming that are going to make it easier for certain factions of the party to have their way and erode the voting process for future elections, for example?

What guard rails is McCarthy gonna promise away just so he can get the job he thinks he deserves?

So, Kevin McCarthy did not garner enough support for Speaker after three rounds of voting. Jim Jordan’s name was thrown into the ring by none other than Matt Gaetz. Gaetz called Jordan “the hardest working member of Congress,” or something like that. Two things: yikes, and how would he know?

The fact that McCarthy has been unable to garner enough votes is one thing. What worries me is who the other options are. Who’s in the wings—who is it that House members would prefer? McCarthy is not the guy, I guess because he’s a waffle factory, he’s not far right enough for some, and it seems the job is all he’s ever wanted, all he’s ever angled for. The way he talks, he seems to think he deserves the speakership, he’s somehow entitled to the position.

What about Mitch McConnell? He’s an old nightmare, but at least he knows what he’s doing. Or could they surprise everyone and elect a Democrat? It seems that whatever unfolds at this point, the person who ends up prevailing might already be a lame duck– at the start of a new term.

That doesn’t bode well for anyone.

When does life begin? At conception, which is a moment that a couple can recount and pinpoint only in somewhat specific terms and in retrospect, i.e. “… it must have been those days in Acapulco, or that Wednesday in January when we were snowed in, or that night I was raped…”

When the period doesn’t arrive and confirmation of pregnancy does, some time has passed and the moment when life begins has already happened. The zygote—the fertilized ovum—can develop as nothing other than a more fully formed human being. There is no continuum into which one can push a pin. There is a certain futility in trying to split hairs and soothe consciences with philosophy and religion and even science. Arguing over the go/no go moment can be mere cerebral exercise and only matters in terms of the import given to a woman’s decision to keep or abort.

The matter of whether or not a life has been spared or taken is not up for debate, as I see it. A life will be spared or taken, regardless of the point in the pregnancy at which a decision is made.

Is not the central issue that the woman have resources and support which aid her in making a decision and having the final say in the course of events, in how things unfold? The moral implications and emotional consequences are, ultimately, of no concern to anyone but the woman. She will either be at peace with her decision, or not.

Others of course can feel upset or offended, but it’s no one else’s business to interfere with this, except in situations where the emotional and decision-making faculties of the woman are of properly assessed and verifiable concern.

It’s pretty clear that the NFL is just the modern version of stadia filled with spectators wanting to satisfy their blood lust– crazed, jacked up athletes performing in front of TV crowds and those who’ve paid megabucks to come and sit and watch some legal and not-so-legal assaults and maiming. They’re usually not disappointed.

And what’s up with the traveling show after the defense intercepts or recovers a fumble? The NFL should learn from the real futbol and tack on extra time or penalty as some sort of punishment for the superfluous theatrics. It’s all a strange, sad, annoying attempt at “entertainment,” which is what many apparently crave. Everything is a show, and in your face.

Count me out.

In the last few days, we’ve lost Pele, Barbara Walters, and Pope Benedict. It’s somehow interesting to see who emerges as being important enough to be remembered in a really public way, who leaves his or her mark, people whose deaths are noted and make the In Memoriam year-end review, or whatever that’s called.

Went to bed after falling asleep on the couch. It was 11:45pm, only another 15 minutes until ball drop, and I didn’t even consider staying up for it. That’s my attitude in a nutshell. And the fact that it’s now a new year doesn’t change a thing.

How long will it be before we read of Europe being engulfed in chaos, sides becoming clearer, an axis of evil comprised of Russia, China, maybe Belarus, whoever else? For various reasons, the world will once again be at war, humanity still incapable of rising above its worst proclivities, having learned nothing in the 80 years since the last time we were all together in a maelstrom.

And the most maddening thing is that it’s a mere handful of people precipitating the fall. How could we let them do that?

A suspect in the Idaho murder cases has been arrested in Monroe County, PA, and it seems a big deal is being made of the fact that this guy was a white grad student in Criminology at a neighboring school in Washington state. Almost seems like an example of racial bias– subtle surprise because the guy wasn’t a caricatured black or Latino man.

Was he fascinated with the ins and outs of the system, just testing theorems? Is he gonna use the system to his advantage in his defense? Was he hoping to get away with this because of the insider information he thought he had? Or is he just the latest violent and sick mastermind, killing out of boredom or lust, or for fun?

The picture currently accompanying the story shows someone who looks rather defiant and crazed, like he’s trying to stare down, or through, anyone who’s looking at him.

What does it say about someone who can’t be amazed anymore—depression has set in, cynicism and skepticism have taken over? Somehow, they’ve “seen it all,” and there’s just nothing new under the sun? Sounds like a lousy place to live, if it can be called living.

I can’t imagine day after day of going without at least a moment or two of revelation or discovery. Maybe a good New Year’s resolution would be to learn one new thing every day. There would actually be no shortage of things to learn. Pick up a newspaper, a world almanac (if they still publish such things), think of a topic and Google it, or just go to a dictionary and learn a new word.

Take a walk, walk backwards, look around, sit at a spot where land meets water, pay someone a compliment, open a door for someone, look up on a clear winter night, smell the air, try a new recipe, get a complete physical, ask for help, dust off a camera, pick up that guitar that probably needs a good tuning, start learning a second or third language, give War and Peace another try, go ice fishing and learn how to filet a perch… or not.

Make plans for a garden, build a work bench, call or text or email a friend… Wow, this quickly morphed into a stock, sappy New Year’s laundry list. Sorry.

You know what I mean, though. New and different and reconnection can be good things. It’s an amazing world, whether or not we currently think so.

Let’s see… a Republican who lied on his resume, another barrage of missiles launched against Ukraine, and a lawsuit brought against Apple because the oxygen sensor on the Apple Watch wasn’t properly calibrated for different skin colors…?

One could rightly think Mr. Santos is a dead man walking, but maybe not in today’s Republican Party, where strong character is just one item on a list of options. And Kevin McCarthy needs votes.

Let’s skip over Ukraine for a minute and go right to this lawsuit… Is this an actual thing? Was there any thought of simply contacting Apple and asking questions? Maybe, but there’s also potential for a money-making settlement by publicizing and accusing and pointing out what I’m guessing is an innocent oversight on the part of Apple engineers, something they may not have ever considered. A thoughtful and well-reasoned theory, I guess, but it sounds slimy and contrived to me. Playing the race card? I don’t know.

As for Putin and the relentless bombing? There is only emptiness anymore. Blank faces, blank stares. He’s an animal. He’s bereft of humanity, as are those around him who are encouraging such depravity. “War is war,” they’ll say. “Get over it.”

Fuck you.

Zelensky’s trip to the U.S. can’t be sitting well. 

If the final result of all the inquiries and potential indictments is that Donald Trump can never again run for federal office, then all the time and effort will have been totally worth it. Jail time for Bonzo would be very sweet, but an equally satisfying outcome would be never having to worry about His Ugliness coming down another escalator or spewing emptiness at another MAGA rally and announcing his candidacy for a job he probably doesn’t want and is wildly unqualified to hold.

In Donald’s mind, the death knell might sound when he realizes that most people finally see him for who he really is: an empty soul, a schmuck with a tired schtick. Seeing the audience he so craves shrink to almost nothing? Priceless.

That might do him in.