A Bit of Down Time

After the euphoria of landing a job wears off, there is the matter of actually doing the job. The time interval between those two realities was never very long for me, and I wasn’t very good at the second part. I always overstayed my usefulness because I needed a paycheck, and the prospect of moving to another call was hard on my wife. I came to understand the potential mobility as something that came with the territory, but there wasn’t just me to think about.

It’s Good Friday. First time in 28 years, counting internship and the extra field work, that I haven’t had a service to think about. I don’t miss the prep part or the stress of Holy Week and Easter, but there is something missing somehow. We haven’t been physically attending anywhere since the middle of October last year. The virtual visits to various online offerings are… something, but of course they’re not the same. More of a conscience soother than truly edifying. I have to say I don’t so much miss the worship time as notice its absence– there’s a void where something used to be. I don’t know if that speaks of a longing, or just stating the obvious. I will say that between a bit of Covid hesitancy but more so just not feeling a sense of urgency to commit to attending anywhere, it has felt a bit like being unmoored. I’m not sure if this is Augustinian restlessness until my heart rests in God, or if I’m just another creature of habit simply coming to grips with a change in routine. 

Lots of time for review and assessment the last couple of weeks. I fractured the radial head in both arms on April Fool’s Day– not that that coincidence means anything whatsoever, other than wishful thinking that somehow it didn’t really happen. You know… since it was April Fool’s Day. Anyway, the healing process has afforded me plenty of downtime, which I have used in large part to sit in front of this laptop and record whatever comes to mind. I’ve found myself treating the ongoing mindlessness in Ukraine, along with other news items and random things that pique my interest or stir up some feeling.

And I need to acknowledge the great joy of having a partner in life who has literally fed me, early on, and continues to help me get dressed, wash my hair and keep me clean, and in general will keep an eye on me until the splint and the slings go away. Thanks, A. You are strong.

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