-I wonder what Trump and Zelenskyy were talking about at the Pope’s funeral. I wonder if Volodymyr finally got through to him, or if Trump told him he’s on his own from here on out. It’s sounding like maybe Donald has softened his stance a bit and taken a dimmer view of Putin, but there’s little reason to think that anything substantive will develop. If something does change, it’ll only be in service of procuring a Nobel Peace Prize for Trump, because he really wants one of those.

-Isn’t the Hollywood Empire, such as it is, built on sand? It’s an entertainment “industry,” plying escapism and imitation and make believe, known for taking “dramatic license,” with a wildly inordinate amount of money and attention paid to it and its self-important “stars.” One might argue that its prominence in American society has made us weak and distracted, self-indulgent, shallow, seduced by fame and fortune. We need more Tysons and Curies, fewer Hankses and Johanssons and Kardashians.

Dandelions. Scourge or treat for the eyes? I guess if there are enough of them in a grassy field, it makes for a pretty picture, a pleasant and quite striking contrast between green and yellow. But scattered in a small yard, when you’re trying to start a lawn? Not so much.

Remember—there’s no such genus or species known as “weed,” just plants growing where you don’t want them. I wasn’t aware of that distinction until I was older than I’d care to admit.

I recently had breakfast and a good chat with a pastor colleague. It was fruitful, to a certain extent, but I didn’t get to say everything I wanted to say, or share what was weighing the heaviest on my heart. I held back, for some reason. I feel I’m in the midst of an existential crisis, caught between the rock and the hard place, wanting to believe in the existence of God, but leaning toward the Harari-esque take on things.

There is so much about a journey of faith that’s difficult to reconcile anymore, and this saddens me. I’ve often thought that if there is no God, no rescue from this mundane, sometimes wondrous, and often absurd and savage life, then we have no hope. My hope, for the longest time, dwelled in a certain confidence in the promise of the Gospel message that Jesus indeed arrived on the scene, taught and revealed his divinity and power, died as an atonement for our weakness and sinfulness, and overcame death and the grave to live again– a sign and a promise of comfort for all who have faith.

I wanted to believe this because there was nothing in and of this earthly life that came close to such revelation, such good news. All we get here is a life we had no say in stepping into, a crap shoot, a lottery where the winners are lucky enough to be born into stable societies with leaders who have their heads on straight; into families that care about each other, who have healthy perspectives on what’s important, who show love and humility and have a sense of humor. The losers aren’t losers in the way immature high schoolers use the term. They’re losers because they’ve started at a disadvantage– they were unlucky enough to be born into situations where it would have been wiser and more considerate of the parents to have abstained from unprotected sex. For too many children, and for a number of reasons, their journey often enough is one long, or shortened, undeserved slog and endurance test.

This idea that one must have faith, keep the faith, has died significantly in me. I lament the familiar lament: how long? How long do we wait, do we hold onto the promises, before we start looking around at the plurality of belief systems and the billions who are waiting on their God to do something, not to mention the suffering and growing despair and misery, and throw up our hands and say “What are we doing here?!”?

It often feels like it’s been long enough.

There’s nothing that they won’t touch. Their intent appears to be so blatantly ruinous as to stagger the mind.

Bringing coal back? Drill, baby, drill? Shifting away from renewables—unlike much of the rest of the developed world? Refusing to take the lead and believe sound scientific data regarding what we’re doing to the planet? Just handing the keys to China when it comes to providing the world with, among other things, solar panels—something we invented back in 1954 and have seemingly conceded to our No. 1 strategic competitor and ideological enemy?

Pushing a heavy-handed, disingenuous, and narrow-minded version of Christianity? Burning bridges left and right, and striking up alliances with dictators and oligarchs and oppressive regimes everywhere? Thinking we can isolate ourselves and go it alone? Doubling down on haphazard and careless communication of military operations?

Reducing once-proud agencies and personnel to less effective and more chaotic and confused versions of themselves? Attempting to smash the kneecaps of higher education and freedom of expression, freedom of speech; withdrawing funding for important scientific research, threatening to defund Medicaid and other pieces of whatever social safety net we’ve been able to muster, destroying USAID, hobbling critical drug and disease research by withdrawing funding and firing the legitimate experts in their fields; making snap decisions about who’s worthy of citizenship, deporting others—plucking them off the streets without warning, and sending them to detention centers or prison without due process?

In general, being the worst possible version of elected leadership many would have trouble conjuring in their worst nightmares. Every day there’s another dagger to the heart. Every day, when we think we’ve heard and seen everything, Trump and the rot around him come up with the next atrocious executive order or mindless statement or other indication that they really are inept, hate-filled, paranoid, and soulless. Embodied evil.

And they seem to be reveling in their awfulness, loving every minute of it.

This is what a vote for Trump has gotten us: a person whose only motivations were and are vengeance and winning at all costs, along with what looks to be a robust attempt to render America unrecognizable.