For various reasons, we want God to exist, but basically as someone who can come to the rescue– not a deity who demands our heart and soul, who commands obedience, who calls us to the straight and narrow, warns against distractions, claims love for all of creation, and then goes on vacation for centuries at a time.

I read the other day that Israel, surprisingly, is not a country full of religious zealots or even somewhat faithful, practicing Jews. The article drew attention to a distinction made between those who practice their Jewish faith and those who simply identify as being of Jewish descent. The latter was made to sound as if it was the larger of these two groups. 

One horrific way of looking at all that’s unfolded since October 7 could be that God doesn’t like this “backsliding,” this selective—in some ways non-committal—assumption of Jewish ethnicity. Maybe the Hamas attack is punishment, or a ghastly wake-up call meted out as a reminder that chosen comes with expectations and responsibilities and tradition.

And maybe this is why it’s hard to believe in God, or at least a God with such a long memory for being wronged. Always testing, harping on continuity, yet non-committal in his/her/its own right, who’s no better or different than Donald Trump, for crying out loud.

Jewish scripture is largely Christianity’s Old Testament. Jeremiah 31 and other passages aside, the Old Testament God can be a vengeful, angry taskmaster, remembering sin to the fourth generation. Maybe, just as “forty days and forty nights” simply means a long time, “fourth generation” simply means a lot of generations.

It’d be tempting, one might think, to just give up on a God who behaves this way. One can hold out for better days for only so long. And who needs a promised land when all it seems to offer is misery and pain and the need for constant vigilance, with “neighbors” who want you gone?

There is something we can learn from the Hamas attack on Israel. Israel’s guard was down, despite Netanyahu’s assurances to the contrary.

We seem to be in a similar place in this country—a political party in shambles, a former president with serious issues whose only mission is to save his own ass. His ignorant yet poisonous rhetoric and authoritarian aspirations continue to wreak havoc and confusion and inertia.

Trump and the rest have been nothing but a giant distraction for years now, and we’ve died from within as a nation because of this. We are weakened and have become vulnerable to opportunistic Russia or China or any number of others who find it in their interest to ally against us.

Whether or not we can right the ship is anyone’s guess.

My train of thought as I laid in bed at 4am the other morning was along the lines of trying to organize my feelings about church, and why it isn’t doing anything for me on those rare occasions when we go.

It didn’t take long for the train to go from “worship is just familiar and formulaic and rote” to the default rant… “if God is love, why is there so much viciousness and violence and horrific death in the world among people who also believe in God and cry out to him or her when they are angry and frightened and homeless and being butchered by people who also say they love God, or at least praise his name a lot?” What lessons are we to learn, what requirements are we to fulfill, before God makes an actual appearance?

What’s the key to finding peace, to living a life that pleases and appeases God and allows us to get through our days without worry and fear and hunger and deprivation? What’s the formula? There must be a formula. I know the answer lies in scripture somewhere, or at least that’s what I would be told over and over again until the cows come home and go back out again. But I’m beyond tired of getting that response, that… answer. That’s no answer, though it is a formula. And it turns out that formula doesn’t cut it.

I would love nothing more than to go to church one day and hear something that changes my perspective, gets me thinking, sparks a desire to keep looking and listening. But I’m not very hopeful of ever encountering such revelation. What I do know is that my life without church is emptier than it used to be. And my life with church was angst-ridden, because I was skeptical and saying things I wasn’t sure I believed.

It’s like we’re all trying to find the path that brings us comfort, helps us make sense of this life. We may give God the glory, thank God for this life we’ve been given. But at the end of the day, maybe we also find ourselves wondering if God has heard anything we’ve said or has anything to do with any of this. We wonder if God exists.

We look around, we see so much evil perpetrated in God’s name, and so many prayers going unanswered, so much time passing. And don’t give me the bullshit about we’re asking for the wrong things. Most aren’t asking for an easy life or a pot of gold. They’re pleading for faith and peace and health and food and a roof over their heads and a stop to this unending viciousness and hate. They’re asking why they were born to experience such unending misery, and they get no answers. Is it just their lot in life? Maybe it’s because there are no answers that shed any light or bring comfort.

Is this life nothing more than simply finding a path that makes sense, and then just trying to stay on it? I think we spend too much time looking for God, and not enough time coming to terms with the possibility that we’re on our own, evolving slowly, here for a short time and then gone. What are we supposed to learn along the way?

We can conceive of a supreme being, and have been told there is one. But is there, really? Evidence is mounting to the contrary. If all someone can say is “Hang in there,” or “What have you got to lose by believing?”, then I’m about ready to count myself just another agnostic.

Life coach? Sure, why not? 

There’s no shortage of advice out there, so one needs to weave or at least embrace a believable tale, in order to live this life with any sense of hope.

There are few things someone won’t try to monetize, including carbon offsets, or carbon credits. On first hearing, it may have one thinking NFTs, but on closer inspection, the concept was rooted in a certain tangible give and take.

Sadly, according to a lengthy, in-depth article in The New Yorker, the concept of paying a fee so someone somewhere can plant trees to offset your production of carbon dioxide has, predictably, devolved into something less effective and less observable and more just another money-making scheme for those who first conceived it. The real-world value has been lost in the haze of hard-to-quantify results.

It’s always been easy to think of carbon offsets as the feel-good option— “doing one’s part” without any of the pain of actually doing anything, as opposed to making certain lifestyle changes one might expect would accompany a reduction in one’s carbon footprint.

And then there’s the built-in suspicion that accountability would suffer sooner or later. It seems a palatable fix, though, for fossil fuel companies who pay their fees and then just keep drilling and selling petroleum products, with little regard for whether or not someone somewhere is actually following through and putting a dent in the amount of CO2 being spewed everywhere.

And there it is. The boiler plate plea for support, the rationale that supporting Israel and Ukraine is vital to our national interest.

Joe Biden is too old to be dealing with all this.

Anyway, here comes the slippery slope involvement on two fronts. Billion$ in all sorts of aid, mostly military, and the seemingly inevitable march into a larger conflagration. That’s what’s behind Biden’s appeal to us to be OK with sending all this aid—it’s a way for him to start the conversation about an even deeper commitment, involving, yet again, the willingness—the duty—to offer up the ultimate sacrifice in the name of democracy and liberty and all that’s right and proper.

That’s the end game. Again! Because humanity tends to ignore history and is still not far enough removed from first walking upright, and a relative handful of inept and selfish fossils who call themselves leaders live only to manipulate and control their own destinies at the expense of a populace they feel is expendable, far less worthy than their exalted selves.

The citizens of earth should rise up in righteous anger and offer an emphatic middle finger to such faithless, cold-hearted capitulation.

What more can be said about the inertia in the House? You get Jim Jordan as the Speaker candidate du jour, and what can you expect? It’s difficult to conceive of him getting any votes, never mind 199, which is still 18 short.

Another vote today, and it’s possible he could garner even less support. If such a trend continues, maybe it’s time Republicans consider the shocking concession of voting for a person other than the alpha Trump disciple. Someone less angry, with less baggage, and a heart for rational governance.

The Hamas military planners probably didn’t initiate the events of 10/7 without anticipating Israel’s anger and all-in response. Those who are suggesting that Israel’s counter-offensive will be like falling into a trap don’t seem at all off-base. Hamas had to anticipate Israel’s policy of disproportionate response, that Israel would be coming in hot. Hamas is most likely ready for a fight, and Israel appears to be ready to take the bait. And who knows who’s gonna decide to show up once the operation starts?

Various commentators have expressed that IDF leadership are probably aware of the enemy’s strategy, which may help explain why the military build-up near Gaza hasn’t led to an invasion yet. It’s a daunting, extremely complicated operation, to put it mildly. One where strength in numbers and weaponry won’t lead to victory apart from incurring large losses.

It’s a powder keg over there, and not just in the south. I wonder how many of the 300,000 reservists called up are ready to engage the enemy, and how many are cursing humanity, or God, having had enough of this mindlessness.

Voila! The Hamas attack has wider implications. Who could have seen that coming…?

The US sends two aircraft carrier groups to the region, and Israel is accused of blowing up a working hospital in Gaza, with at least 500 deaths? All this just ahead of a visit by Joe Biden, who, sadly, got to visit only with Bibi, and not other key players in the region– PLO head Abbas and officials in Jordan. Nothing like ammunition for Israel’s enemies– Iran among them.

Putin and others have to have something to do with this (what were Putin and Xi talking about in their little summit of recent days?). This is all playing nicely into Putin’s hands—taking attention away from the Ukraine invasion, and opening a window of opportunity to stretch us thin, which makes us vulnerable, which in turn creates fertile ground for some sort of attack or at least turning the tide of public opinion against us and Israel.

Some of the key players aren’t really interested in working things out, anyway. There’s too much potential for lining pockets and rearranging deck chairs. To hell with the billions who prefer their leaders talk to each other and settle things down. There’s no money in that, though there could be- it’s just that it would be a more equitable distribution, taking more time and effort, which wouldn’t sit well with the mega-rich bastards who feel they aren’t rich enough.

All most of us want is to live our lives in relative peace. Life is challenging enough without having to worry about a small group of power-hungry “leaders” with their own massively warped and self-serving agendas.

It’s obviously not about finding ways to bridge differences, or taking care of the planet, or valuing life. It’s simply about money and power. And keeping God happy.

Let us not forget the role God plays in all of this.

Turns out that the frontier mentality, every woman and man for themselves, is killing us here in America. Enough of us choose to bite the hand that could be feeding us. Blinded by a shallow, unformed patriotism, stressed out, fearful, too proud to seek help, convinced that accepting the occasional free service is a sign of weakness, or worse– laziness.

A whole host of things that could be addressed are actually killing us younger than in other countries. Of course, those other countries have it all wrong when they actually invest in healthcare for all, and mental illness treatments and legitimate social safety nets.

We can’t have one of those damn nanny states here, though. No, we’ll just keep dying younger because no one can tell us to take care of ourselves and each other.

We’re the ones who have it wrong.