Ambition. I’ve never really had any. I’m rudderless. I’ve always figured that if the world is just full of people all trying to “get theirs”, well, no thank you. I don’t want to be part of that rat race.
It’d be one thing if this led to some sort of altruistic outlook, but that’s not the case at all. I’ve just been wandering my entire life. Introspective, selfish, hesitant or unable to fully commit to anything, or engage the world, really.
When it comes to vocation or finding meaningful work that interests and satisfies me and maybe makes my little corner of the world a better place, I have always been lost at sea, floating aimlessly.
Those twenty-six years in the ministry? Wandering. A facade. Playing a role, getting paid for doing something my heart was hardly ever in, for preaching and teaching something that may or may not even be real. I was taking their money.
It feels kind of late in the game to be mulling over big changes. Sometimes it feels like a personality transplant is in order, which is unlikely to happen at this juncture.
3 Cents' 